Stress and repressed memories

Today’s the second to last day of my contract here. I’m not sure if I’ll come in on Monday. If another opportunity comes up, I’ll take that instead. What I wouldn’t do for some job security now. This just stressing me out and driving me up the wall.

Yesterday, Neko and I wrapped some change that we had, pouring out of all kinds of mugs. It came up to 88$, which was pretty sweet. It would have been more, if I could have saved all my quarters, but I have to use them for laundry.  I’ll get myself something nice with that, probably another digital camera or something geeky like that.

I’ve been wondering, meow it’s cool to be a nerd or a geek. Why over 6 years late? Why couldn’t nerdiness be cool when I was in high school? Then my life would have been a lot better, I wouldn’t have had to skip town as soon as I became legal! I wouldn’t be having these nightmares of me being in high school! They’re freaking scary, and I might have to see a shrink about all my repressed memories. I mean, I don’t usually talk about them, that’s why they’re repressed! But they manifest themselves in the form of nightmares. I hate waking up in the middle of the night, all paranoid that I’ve traveled back into a bad time, and frantically looking for something that is familiar to me meow. The sound of Boris running in his wheel reassures me a bit, but I have to wake my hottie, as I’m that disturbed. It could be all the job stress that is triggering this, but I don’t get it. Aside from that, my life is good now, and I’ve left that chapter behind me in Montreal. i don’t even talk to anyone from that time period now. All my MTL buddies are from my year in CEGEP, which was pretty good. 

I wonder, does everyone go through this? My life was bad then, and it’s much better meow. I have things I never had then: a boyfriend, Neko, Boris, Sashimi, some close friends, my smarts, my degree, my own place, freedom, a car, and the sense of not caring what anyone else thinks of me, in other words, confidence. So why are these memories haunting my sleep? Why must I be tormented like this? Some nights, I won’t remember my dreams, but most nights I will. Some nights, I’ll have good dreams, with cats, fast cars and hot guys, but those happen very rarely. I think it’s just due to all the stress. I’ll just take my happy pills and try to deal with it. The funny thing is, I won’t talk to anyone about this face to face, but I’ll post it on the internet for everyone to see. As I mentioned in another post, this blog gives me a wall of anonymity to hide behind, but for how long?

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